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HERE ARE NOTES passed between Caricom leaders (and other public figures who must have snuck in) at the Lloyd Erskine Sandiford Centre for the Caricom Single Market & Economy meeting. I certify theses notes as authentic: I made them up myself. The first is from the Guyanese president to the Bajan PM.
Thompy
You really feel we leaders shouldn’t help? You think those clowns could sort the cricket out?
Jags
G/T
Jags,
Which clowns? The WICB or WIPA? Or all-two?
Thompy
Bim
Thompy, Jags
We could bring back capital punishment and hang the WICB; they murdered our cricket. Ladies and gentlemen, the Prime Minister will gain no personal political benefit because we have already effectively reintroduced the death penalty in Trinidad; we just let the gangsters apply it to one another on our behalf.
Patrick
Soon to be President of the United West Indian States of Trinidad, Tobago, St Vincent & the Grenadines , Grenada, St Lucia and a Reef near Dominica
Thompy, Patos, Jags
If all-you want to mordah the WICB,
I soggest all-you put them under coffu fust; then tek them to a high cliff. If you wants help, I have experience and I looking for a work.
Bernard Coard
Ex-Con
Caricom Leaders
Skilled nationals get work permits easy. You-all should help unskilled workers to move around.
The Guyanese
On Building Sites Everywhere in the Caribbean
Except Guyana
Patos
Wunna have Indian in Trinidad so tell me: which is the Guyana President first name? Bharath or Jagdeo, all-two sounding like last names to me. I getting away with, “Jags” for now but I should know.
Thompy
Bridgetown, the Capital of the World
Thompy
I not sure. Ask him. But here’s a word of advice, ladies and gentlemen: do not ask about his Christian name. They does get upset for that; ask which is he Hindu name.
Patos
Port of Spain, the Real Capital of the World, which God has asked me to lead
Thompy, Patos
Oonoo could call him what oonoo want; just don’t make him my partner for the golf again. Last time, he kept on telling me to use my woods.
Bruce G
Not in My Cabinet and Not in My Golf Cart
Thompy
Tillman Thomas pass your note to me to give Patos, you damn fool. My “Christian” name is Bharath. You boldfaced to talk about names when you-all Bajan men have first names like Erskine, Ethelbert and Ezra. Also, Barbados is the No-Tourist Capital of the World and Trinidad is the Murder one. You-all must try to be honest like me.
Jags
Guyana, the Leading English-Speaking Country in South America
Caricom Leaders
Forget cricket! Get rid of the UK plane ticket tax! If you-all, all-you, wunna & oonoo ever needed a common approach, is over that!
Tourist Boards Across the Region
Squabbling over the Next Second-Rate US Airline
Tourist Boards
Caricom leaders will come together on one thing only: keeping the islands apart; so they could keep their own privileged positions.
Sugar Producers Across the Region
Turning to Rum Too Late
Caricom Leaders
Forget plane tax, tourists, smelters in rainforests. We have something the whole world already want, will pay top dollar for and is totally local.
Ganja Growers Across the Region
Smoke That
Caricom Leaders
Wine & dine and parade for one another in jacket & tie at taxpayers’ expense. We’re still rolling on the floor laughing at you jokey little men pretending to be important on jokey little rocks.
The Rest of the World
Not Even Coming for Two Weeks a Year Anymore
Caricom Leaders
Next time, please hold the meeting in Port of Spain. We could make a fortune in ransom off of all-you.
Kidnappers
Any- and Everywhere in Trinidad
Caricom Leaders
Sorry, ignore that last note. We just realise nobody would pay to get any of all-you back.
Kidnappers
Waiting for the Commonwealth Heads of Government Conference Next Month
Caricom Leaders
You think you making style but we will make sport of you. Exactly what we do Chris & Dinnas, we will do all-you. Just now, we will be in charge of everything and will put back on the “of Control” at the end of our name.
West Indies Cricket Board
Antigua…. For Now….
Caricom Leaders
500 years and you still turn to me every blessed minute to legitimize your irresponsibility? Every time a hurricane pass by one of you and make landfall – I should really say, ‘rock-fall’ – on another one, you say that is proof I am a Trini or a Bajan or whatever. Well, try to make a dollar now. Let me see if you’ll ever understand you’re forsaken and have no one but one another.
God
Everywhere Else
BC Pires is persona non grata at the Lloyd Mandibert Ethelskine Centre
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